Australian Donor Conception Forum
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Author Topic: my email to QFG  (Read 24054 times)
dadams
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« Reply #30 on: August 14, 2007, 10:39:18 PM »

Adam, I know exactly how you feel. We will be damned if we do and damned if we don't.
Just be honest with yourself and let everything else fall as it may.

Tricia, I have experienced this marginalisation and rejection purely based on my views. At times I have been called ungrateful among other things. I have never intentially stirred the pot but have repsonded to questions truthfully that have been asked of me. For example at the conference in Sydney that you husband sent you down to (good onya hubby) I never came out and said that I personally was against DC in my talk. It was not until someone specifically asked me that question that I alluded to this. These things are just my personal opinions and I can respect other peoples opinions that may differ to mine.
As for what do the clinics have to lose, well quite a lot. It would be an admission that the way they have done things for so many years was wrong and that they may have infact caused harm to people by doing so. These are not the nice little pictures that they want hanging up on their walls that help to further the bottom line.
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Hursty
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« Reply #31 on: August 14, 2007, 10:56:25 PM »

After initial feelings of gratefullness and "how lucky are we"- when the penny drops - all of a sudden we are scared (and rightfully so) that we are going to appear ungrateful, that now we have "our" babies we are going to ruin it for other infertile couples hoping to achieve what we already have AND we are going to appear hypocrytical. Also as has been mentioned so many times before to me - the warm fuzzy pictures and stories that are advertised with DC are just so beautiful. To speak out against this you need to take alot of deep breaths and a huge amount of courage.
Every time I have heard or spoken to someone who has spoken out against DC - they have said they're opinions have never been well recieved. So I spose you just have to be ready to be unpopular if you are going to speak out BUT be aware that there is a very solid and growing number of people willing to support and validate feelings and rights of the child. Some days I feel like the biggest hypocrit in the world but then again its a womans perogitive to change her mind isnt it? It is also in a womans nature to protect and do what is best for her child and "deception" is not good and obviously will not do ANY relationship and favours. Far out......... on a rant this morning - better go make breaky.
Sue
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Hursty
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« Reply #32 on: August 15, 2007, 03:08:29 AM »

Damian, When I met you in Sydney last year I was naive and had only just begun really getting into all this. What I said in my speach there was based on just my personal experience and I hadnt even met others in my position - I had only read stories from the DCSG newsletters. How I wish I knew then what I have learnt and know now. Granted: I still stand by saying I could never give Jethro back which is what I said to you when you were asked "the" question, however I totally understand your reasoning and I agree with you. The "rights" of our children must be catered to.
And I have just finished reading Myfs article in the Rationalist and a point which really came across to me which she makes is quote: "Donor conception is widely touted as a medical 'treatment' for infertility, a misnomer implying it is a cure, just as sperm, eggs and embryo's are not medicine. Terming donor conception as a medical treatment also limits the ways in which we can acknowledge its lifelong and intergenerational impact, because typically there is a focus only on the patient and their treatment until the desired outcome is achieved, which is the birth of a child." I hope Myf doesnt mind me quoting her here but this statement says so much.
Sue

Tricia, I have experienced this marginalisation and rejection purely based on my views. At times I have been called ungrateful among other things. I have never intentially stirred the pot but have repsonded to questions truthfully that have been asked of me. For example at the conference in Sydney that you husband sent you down to (good onya hubby) I never came out and said that I personally was against DC in my talk. It was not until someone specifically asked me that question that I alluded to this. These things are just my personal opinions and I can respect other peoples opinions that may differ to mine.
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Love and Truth go together.
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