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Author Topic: Why do I feel this way?  (Read 15935 times)
AllyRose
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« on: June 12, 2007, 12:15:09 PM »

I know I have probably put this in the wrong place but I could not really find a suitable heading to type this under.  (WARNING - this is a venting post)

As from my previous posts, I have a 2 year old little boy conceived with donor sperm through QFG in Brisbane.  When I attended the Identity Conf back in November Leonie told me I had a right to know how many half siblings might have been created from the same donor.

Well today I plucked up the courage to ask......and the answer was "Jacob is the first of 6".  I knew the donor had his own family (2 daughters) as per the information I am allowed to know of him, and I knew when we chose him that a pregnancy had been achieved but the lady had miscarried, so at the time Jacob was the first baby to be born via this donor.  So since Jacob's birth 5 other families have been created.

But in the next breath the 'scientist' told me "but I can't tell you who they are" - OH DER like I didn't already know that - then the b*&CH had the hide to say to me "well you have 10 vials and then that's it, maybe do a couple of inseminations then concentrate on IVF".  I then asked "so I am correct in knowing that the limit is 10 families" - her response was "oh yes we like to try and get them to at least 10" - WTF?  I thought the limit was 10 then that was it!

Now my husband and I had come to terms with our situation a long time ago and have been enjoying our life, we had happily agreed that once those 10 vials were used and a pregnancy not achieved, then we would not go into the business of mixing donors.  We are and will always be grateful for Jacob.  But why do I now, because of a few simple words from a 'scientist' feel like a complete failure.

These are the ramblings of an emotional woman - so just ignore me, I had to get it out!

I appreciate you listening.
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AllyRose
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« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2007, 09:34:29 PM »

Hi,
I've calmed down a bit since writing the above post last night - and have received a very nice email from Leonie.

Sorry for being so blunt and direct, but I just had to vent.

Thanks again.
Tricia
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dadams
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« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2007, 10:46:50 PM »

Hi Tricia

I don't think you have to apologise at all. The whole DC situation is very emotional to us all. It particularly becomes even more frustarting/annoying when we are either lied to, misled or deceived.
My understanding is that it is a maximum of 10 families and perhaps she meant that they try and get each one to their 10 quota. But whether or not it was just a poor choice of words it is very distressing, as I can attest to as I have been constantly told various contradicting stories by the clinics here in SA. And then they choose which of my questions they would like to answer. It has gotten to the point where I cannot beleive anything they tell me or I take it with a pinch of salt.
Even with a maximum of 10 families that can still equate to a lot of siblings for Jacob (particularly if each family chooses to have more than one child).
It is important to vent and this is just the forum to do so as there are other people who can relate to what you are going through.

All the best,
Damian.
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Quinny
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« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2007, 05:01:26 AM »

Nothing wrong with venting here. Although I haven't been given contradictory response from the clinc I have spoken to and had others speak to, I still don't trust them based on what people like Damian and Leonie have said.

To me, the fertility clinics are like an adult having an affair- they are getting up to naughty things behind closed doors and will not reveal what they have done/are doing.

TriciaB, it may not be as many as 5 other families using this donor. I'm glad your feeling better. Venting can be a great release and I'm glad you could use the forum to do that. Smiley
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Hursty
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« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2007, 11:22:25 AM »

Understand it all. I thought because I had advertised for an egg donor that she was "mine". Well apparently not I found out after 2 yrs. She produced 18 eggs - miracuously or intentionally??? I wonder. Anyway 10 eggs were given to me and 8 to the other people on the waiting list. They now have 2 daughters and for obvious reasons wont pass on an annonymous letter to them from me. Exploitation I call it.
Its a money making business for fertility clinics and that is all.
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AllyRose
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« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2007, 07:03:57 AM »

I hear ya Hursty.

Though I have calmed down a little since finding out about the other 5 siblings (he already had two of his own daughters at the time of donating).

I feel I will get no where with QFG - but I plan on seeing their counseller before we start trying for another baby - just to see how willing they are to answer my questions.
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karlas_mum
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« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2007, 12:06:37 AM »

I no how you feel in  a way we went back to our clinck early this year to see if we can use same donor and we could on one condition  that we had to use ivf  as there was little sprem left and they could not give it the way they did the first place  as the rest have to  go between other family and we can not afford it. So we had to pick a new donor i am a little sad for karla as she will not have a full brother or sisterI cant believe the second time around it would still be roller coaster ride with emotions  i no karla has 7 half sibblings and really hopeing one day that when it is time for her to no her back round that the donor will give out as much infomation he can to help her out so she can fit her missing parts of her life.
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Quinny
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« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2007, 03:39:50 AM »

hi Karla's Mum,

Sorry that you have to use another donor. This situation happened in my family too so my sister is really only my half-sister.

Is this new donor anonymous like your last one?
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AllyRose
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« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2007, 04:00:10 AM »

I'm sorry to hear that too Jo.

I don't have that situation as we have 10 vials of the same donor reserved since I found out I was pregnant.  We pay $150 every six months to keep them frozen - so in effect I can either do IVF or inseminations as I pay for them to be frozen so its my choice how to use them.  I would like to see QFG try and 'make' me do IVF!

We won't be doing IVF this time either - who can afford it these days its now something like $1500 a gap fee each time.  Besides, Jacob was conceived via insemination, so there's no reason why No.2 can be either.

Good Luck.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2007, 04:01:56 AM by TriciaB » Logged
Hursty
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« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2007, 05:02:22 AM »

Hey there everyone. This is really new to me. Is this what happens with donor sperm?
You just go in there at ovulation time and it gets put in? Is this insemination?
And if you had to have IVF then they would cultivate a number of eggs from your ovaries and then fertilise the eggs with sperm and then you would have a number of embryo's? Is this the difference?
This is just my guess work but is this how this side of it works?
You know I had never really thought about this way before - all my treatment was to do with eggs.
Well Jo to have the same donor - wouldnt he donate again just for you to have a full blood sibling for Karla? Why wasnt some vials (like Tricia) put away for your future use? It is all very complicated and nothing ever seems to have very specific guidlines that are followed. I am constantly amazed at all the stuff that keeps comming up about the practices of different fertility clinics. Nothing seems to be uniform at all across Australia.
Jo are you going to ask if the next donor -if you get one - will be available for contact? Or will this be anonymous?
Regards Sue
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AllyRose
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« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2007, 06:52:15 AM »

You are right Hursty - we are monitored with blood tests from about day 10 of the cycle and have the stimulation injections and when the bloods say ovulation is here - we go in and see the Doc for a "turkey basting" - they usually do it over two days.  In my case the Doc said he would try and see if he could just use one vial at a time as to maximise our chances.  Will only cost us a gap fee of $60 each time.

Jo is in Victoria and I'm in Brisbane so that would account for the lack of uniformity - I think the same as you - why can't they all just do the same thing.
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Hursty
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« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2007, 06:56:38 AM »

Well....... thats alot easier than IVF be sure!
And your other question......... I have no idea how to put a photo on here!
I am on another site but someone else put the photo on for me after I emailed it to them.  Roll Eyes
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Quinny
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« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2007, 12:54:13 PM »

And your other question......... I have no idea how to put a photo on here!
I am on another site but someone else put the photo on for me after I emailed it to them.  Roll Eyes

hi Hursty,

To add a photo, when you reply to a message there is link at the bottom of the area you type called "Additional Options...". Click on that it will display a box called "Attach:" and a Browse button. You can use the Browse button to select the image from your computer that you want to attach to a message.

Or perhaps, do you mean to add a photo to go under your name?
To do that you go to "Profile" at the top of the page, then select "Forum Profile Information" on the left side menu. You will see an option there called "I will upload my own picture:" and there will be a Browse button. Click on this button and select the image you want. Once you have selected the image it should appear on screen. Click the "Change Profile" button at the bottom of the page.

Cheers,
Quinny

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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
Hursty
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« Reply #13 on: July 04, 2007, 10:09:21 PM »

Hi Quinny - I dont get a browse near upload my own picture - I have a box which says http/ or something like that - after I have clicked on Forum Profile Information.  Huh
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Quinny
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« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2007, 04:41:55 AM »

hi Hursty,

Yeah there are a few options there and you get to pick one of them. These are the three which you should see:
1. Personalized Picture:
  (no pic) [Actors] [Musicians]

2. I have my own pic: [http://]

3. I will upload my own picture:


Then below that it says:
Personal Text:


Option 3 is one you need to select. It's below the http one you mentioned. Maybe your screen size is differently set to mine and you need to scroll down the page a bit?

Cheers,
Quinny

« Last Edit: July 05, 2007, 04:46:24 AM by Quinny » Logged

Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
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