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Author Topic: Just a vent  (Read 11531 times)
Jules
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Mum to 2 donor conceived boys


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« on: November 11, 2009, 01:29:17 AM »

Not sure if it's the right area. If not please move. Smiley


I am so pissed off at the amount of people who think they can just go shopping for a donor, then forget it ever happened & not tell their child. FFS people, THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. I just keep banging my head against a brick wall with these people.

Thank goodness the new legislation in regards to BDM commences next year.
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TTC#1 since 2003 with MFI morph/chromosome inversion & endo.
ICSI #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 BFN Nat FET #1 #2 BFN. Nat FET #3 #4 Canc.
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Fennel
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« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2009, 10:12:14 PM »

Thanks for saying what Ive been thinking. What really gets to me is that they feel so justified and rational in their position. I wonder if its a 'safety in numbers' thing.
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Quinny
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« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2009, 11:55:03 PM »

I don't go looking for people like this and I haven't come across anyone like that. Where do you hear about people like this? They need to be educated.
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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
Jules
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« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2009, 11:11:33 AM »

On another forum I frequent Quinny. Roll Eyes

It's mainly in reference to those using donor sperm, when their partners have a problem. 'They' think it's better for the child that they are not told. One even told a story of a couple who shredded all documentation from their fertility clinic so the child would not know they were conceived via IVF, let alone a DS.

Grrr. They are so selfish. Angry
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TTC#1 since 2003 with MFI morph/chromosome inversion & endo.
ICSI #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 BFN Nat FET #1 #2 BFN. Nat FET #3 #4 Canc.
ICSI#6 BFP. DS#1 & DS#2 17/04/2009.
dadams
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« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2009, 09:34:14 PM »

There are just so many problems with that that I just don't know where to beign.
Any family unit built on lies and deception will always be on shaky foundations.
History tells us that some offspring will see that they don't fit anyway and will have problems associated with that. And in addition the news can often pop out during times of duress. Arguements, death of a family member. Leading the offspring to be traumatised and scarred for life.
All the evidence is there to show that telling early and often is the best way to go, yet these people think that they know better.
I'm all for a model whereby the child will be told by the health department upon reaching maturity (making the parents tell their child from an earlier age) and that the evidence is even recorded on the birth certificate so that there is no hiding it.
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Quinny
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« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2009, 11:14:10 PM »

Are these people in Australia or another country?

I imagine if DNA testing gets a lot cheaper there'll be more and more people having DNA tests and these sorts of things will come to the fore.
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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
Jules
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« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2009, 02:13:23 AM »

I'm all for a model whereby the child will be told by the health department upon reaching maturity (making the parents tell their child from an earlier age) and that the evidence is even recorded on the birth certificate so that there is no hiding it.
I agree with you there. Even with the VIC ART 2008 legislation & donor conceived being noted on a birth certificate, these people still think they will be able to hide it.


It's an Australian forum Quinny. Essentially run by a well known media organisation. Wink Google donor sperm buddy group & it will be obvious.
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TTC#1 since 2003 with MFI morph/chromosome inversion & endo.
ICSI #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 BFN Nat FET #1 #2 BFN. Nat FET #3 #4 Canc.
ICSI#6 BFP. DS#1 & DS#2 17/04/2009.
Jules
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« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2009, 06:20:00 AM »

 Angry Angry Angry

Apparently counsellors at fertility clinics are now informing patients that they don't have to tell.

And this reply from a future DC parent is a disgrace (Changed a little but you get the gist).
Quote
We are shreading all evidence of IVF involvement and our child will never know they are concieved through donor. We will get a friend to make up a fake birth certificate for the child if it becomes law in NSW that DC is printed on the birth certificate. Failing that we will just use a turkey baster and concieve the child naturally so that no one will know.

We need to get the government to change the legislation. These kids deserve the truth.
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TTC#1 since 2003 with MFI morph/chromosome inversion & endo.
ICSI #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 BFN Nat FET #1 #2 BFN. Nat FET #3 #4 Canc.
ICSI#6 BFP. DS#1 & DS#2 17/04/2009.
Quinny
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« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2009, 06:37:11 AM »

Forget the immature idiocy.

I looked up the phrase in google that you asked me to, Jules, and I was heartened to see so many people saying that it's better to tell.

In that quote they say the child will never know they are conceived through a donor. That's an assumption with no basis in fact.
Fake birth certificate? That'll work until they ever need to get an official one.

But despite all that, even if DC was written on birth certificates, it doesn't mean that someone will know who both of their genetic parents are. The only way this can go forward is by DNA testing.

I still would like to encourage parents (or anyone) to tell and educate them as much as possible about what it means.
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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
jorgea
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« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2012, 01:14:56 AM »

It's hard to believe how people can act like this and feel they are in the right.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2012, 11:37:34 PM by Quinny » Logged
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