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Author Topic: I am a donor offsping and my story has a happy ending.  (Read 8149 times)
alicia
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« on: April 28, 2008, 08:07:26 PM »

Hi everyone,

I wanted to tell you a little bit about my story.

I am 27 years old and found out 5 months ago, that my father is not my biological father.

It has been quite a rollercoaster ride since the day I found out, but I had one thing very clear, I wanted to find the donor and if possible, make contact with him.

I contacted the Royal Hospital for Women, which is where my mother went through the DI procedure. There I met a lovely lady called Sheila Sim, Senior Social Worker of the hospital, not only did she help me through this whole process,  but she also gave me emotional support which was very much needed at the time.

Thankfully my donor had left all his details at the hospital, and had expressed interest in meeting future offspring.

After a few DNA tests I contacted my donor, first by phone and then arranged a meeting.

I lived in Melbourne at the time, so I flew up to Sydney for the day, just to meet him. It was an amazing experience, quite nerve wrecking to be honest, but it was extremely important for me to meet him in person, I had many questions, but most of all I wanted to have the chance of saying “thank you” in person.

I feel very fortunate to be alive, that is why I am so grateful to the donor, for taking the decision to donate, to my mother, for choosing the huge step of undergoing the DI procedure and to my father, who, even though we are not blood related, he has really taken me under his wing and has raised me with all the love and support of a real father.

I feel very fortunate because the donor was a very warm, friendly person; we talked for three hours non stop! I had so many questions and so did he! I felt an immediate bond. After the meeting, I felt closure, I felt inner peace, after wondering for so long I had finally had the chance to thank the man who gave me the gift of life.

I am now living overseas, but even to this day, I keep contact with him via email. I have also made contact with another half sibling, so I hope next time I travel to Australia I can meet her.

I definitely recommend donors to leave all there contact details; it is a very positive thing to do, for the offspring and also for the donor himself. Honesty is very important in life and I know that if I had not had the luck I did, and I hadn’t met my donor, that would have upset me tremendously and would have left me with the constant mystery of not knowing who is the donor who gave me life and most importantly, not being able to thank them for that gift.
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dadams
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« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2008, 10:31:29 PM »

Hi Alicia,

welcome to the board. I am glad you have been able to meet your biological father and have been able to get closure on this - it's something that not many offspring your age are able to do. Luckily your genetic father was caring enough to update info and was willing to be met.
It must have been such an emotional journey for you particularly seeing you only found out 5 months ago.
Please keep on posting on this forum and sharing your views on the subject. It's always nice to have another offspring around.

Kind Regards
Damian Adams 
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alicia
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« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2008, 03:19:20 PM »

Hi dadams,

Thank you very much for your reply. I think this webpage is great, Its good to be able to express feelings and thoughts in an understanding environment, and also to be able to listen to other points of view, listen to donors, other offspring, etc

It was a very emotional journey for sure, I wish other donors could be as considerate as mine was, and left their details at the hospitals. It is sooo important and I believe it is very unfair to not be given information of our donor, our past, our racial background, even our medical history…its our right to know these things as human beings. I’m not sure how I would have handled this whole situation if my luck had been different…I admire the courage of other offsprings in the search for their truth, its a very tuff situation.  I guess at the end of the day, even if things don’t work out, we all need to be grateful to science and to both our biological parents, whoever they may be, because thanks to them, we are alive today.
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Quinny
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« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2008, 12:42:38 AM »

That's an interesting thing to say. I don't feel at all grateful to science for helping to bring about anonymous sperm/egg donation. It's like they went ahead and did this anyway without thinking of the whether it was morally right.

And it still happens! Smiley (granted, this can happen without the aid of science, well the sperm not the egg)

There seem to be a few morally grey areas that "science" is plowing ahead with anyway and damn the consequences. Human ear on a rat? Cow ova for humans?

Just because they can do it, doesn't mean they should.

Sorry, rant over. Smiley
« Last Edit: April 30, 2008, 12:47:33 AM by Quinny » Logged

Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
dadams
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« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2008, 01:05:14 AM »

I'm with Adam, I am certainly not grateful to science. I used to be but have changed my perspective.
I am grateful to my parents, not for creating me in this manner but for raising me. Personally I make a distinction on that front.
If other people want to feel grateful for being alive that is fine with me.

here is something I have written previously about having to feel grateful:
Gratitude and Anger?Huh?

I've read numerous communications between those of the Donated Generation and those that would appear to be proponents of donated gametes (whether that be recipients, donors, wanna be eithers or just people with an opinion). Many of the arguements against donor conceived people and their quest for the truth about their origins and family history seem to be focussed on the offspring having to be grateful for their existence and that their anger over the removal of their biological ties is ill conceived and that it only causes harm to their parents and other couples seeking to have a family of their own.
For myself being a scientist I have tried to take a scientific look at all the arguements for and against donor conception from a non-biased perspective even though this would appear impossible given that I am one. Given the fact that I used to support donor anonymity until I had my own children may perhaps show that I have been able to look at both sides fully.
The notion that we are ungratefull for our existence is a bizarre notion in that even though donor conception is the reason we are how we are, it should have no bearing on our ability to have thoughts and feelings on the circumstances and results of the practice. It is an easy arguement to make for those who do not wish to think too deeply about all the issues involved. These people are asking us to accept a life debt for our existence when no-one else is burdened with such a debt. So don't say we are ungratefull as this should never enter into it.
The anger that we often express is rarely directed at certain individuals but rather the practice and the outcomes which were clearly overlooked in the pursuit of altruism and the desire or need to have offspring. While I can clearly understand the desire to have ones own children being a father myself, many seem to believe that it is a right of which it should never be. If donors or recipients do not like what many of us are expressing then perhaps they should look at what they are doing more closely. If there are increasing numbers of people saying that there is something wrong with the practice then perhaps maybe there IS something wrong with the practice. I apolgise if this steps on peoples dreams of altruism and family bliss, but don't let your own perspective blind you to the perspective of those that should really know - the offspring. We are not doing this for some sort of perverted fun but because we have had our basic human rights violated.
I grew up in a loving family. I have no grudge against my parents. I can understand why they did it, even though I'm extremely dissatisfied with what has been deprived of my personna and that of my own children. My mother (my father is deceased) understands why I am searching for my donor and my quest for the truth, and is fully supportive of it. I loved the father that raised me just as much as I could have loved my genetic father, but this love and relaitionship has absolutely no impact on the desire to find out who my donor is.
It would appear that those that state we are ungratefull for our existence are unable to come up with any logical arguement for why donor conception practices should continually deny a person (not just a child) their true identity, family connections and heritage.
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RoseW.A.
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« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2008, 01:16:56 PM »

Hi and congratulations on finding your donor.
What a rush this has all been for you and to come through it so quickly with all that has happened, and still to be able to put two words together.
What an amazing person you are.

My son and I met our anonymous donor that we met by chance last year. He is only a toddler but I am so glad he will start at the beginning with all knowledge and knowing who he is.

I will follow your story with interest and how you go when you meet your half sibling. This is going to be wonderful for both of you I am sure. ROse.
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Looking for half siblings of Repromed Donor DZ who also donated at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in S.A.
Quinny
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« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2008, 03:15:59 PM »

That's a good point Rose. I'd love to hear about the meeting with your half-sibling Alicia.
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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
alicia
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« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2008, 03:00:42 PM »

Hi everyone!  Grin

Thank you for your comments.

Hi Quinny, hi Dadams, I hope you are both well.
I really don’t agree with your comments regarding science and regarding our existence, but I definitely respect your opinion. We are all entitled to think differently, it would be a very boring world if we all thought the same! So I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and I understand you point of view on all of this.

I’ll definitely keep you all posted with how things go regarding meeting my half sibling. Wish me luck please! Smiley I hope it all goes well...it wouldn’t be until next year, because this is when I will be visiting Australia again. But I guess it is good because in the meantime I can keep in contact with my half sibling and get to know each other a bit better via email.

Thanks once again for keeping in touch, take care.

Alicia

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Daven
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« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2008, 01:44:58 AM »

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« Last Edit: June 25, 2011, 08:40:20 AM by Fiona » Logged
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