Australian Donor Conception Forum
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Author Topic: I am a donor offspring and my story has a happy ending...  (Read 14348 times)
Hursty
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« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2008, 11:10:51 PM »

Hi Adam
So sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I remember him from the TV statline show as well. A lovely man. Sincere sympathy.
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Hursty
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« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2008, 11:30:23 PM »

Hi Alicia
I have not been on here for a little while as have been very busy and came on and saw there is a new member here. Welcome and thanks for sharing your story with us.
The parts I am finding hard to comprehend as being all so lovely and open seem in fact to be full of deception and lies ie. you were not told until an adult, you cannot let your Dad know that you know etc.. etc..Please know that i am not attacking you or your feelings but none of this adds up - for me - and I know we all have our own opinions on this sensitive matter.
I have a son conceived with donor eggs. He is nearly 6. Our donor recently has given birth to her first born child. We found our donor when our son was just 18mths old. We met his biological grandmother - who feels that our son is just as much a grandson to her as her newly born grandson (from our donor). There is so much more to consider than "the very nice person who donated" and "the loving,caring wonderful Parents" who so many times the donor conceived child grows up needing to "protect" for fear of hurting their feelings - therefore needing to feel so grateful for all the wonderful people in their lives. THIS IS A RIGHT not a gift to be grateful for.
My point is that by not having had the chance to grow up knowing ALL of your biological family you have missed out on so much. Granted you may have had a wonderful life but you also missed out - and you are grateful for this and are keeping secrets for peace and harmony which should be yours anyway. To say this does not affect you - I have to wonder. I am trying to say that why should being a donor or a parent give you exclusive rights on how every other member of the biological family views the child conceived with DI? People like my sons bio grandmother? They exist in all donor conceived practices. They are blood and genes and biological family. This is important in so many ways. I have heard so many times in places like America where girls are selling their eggs - the grandmothers (bio ones) begging their daughters not to sell their grandchildren. This subject is just so much more in depth than gee a nice bloke gave me the chance to live.
I hope i havent offended you with my thoughts - I havent meant to.
Sincere Regards
Sue
ps Damian and Quinny - I heard someone at the truth and identity forum in Sydney (from Victoria I think) say that law changes had not affected donations. Maybe the ITA?
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dadams
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« Reply #17 on: May 07, 2008, 01:03:45 AM »

I think that the rainbow of emotions and thoughts on the issue of DC is part of the big issue we currently face in this area. It is extremely difficult to obtain any meaningful legislation when all of the stake holders involved cannot agree on certain issues let alone stake holders within the one group (eg offspring). Everybody's views are valid and it is this diversity that makes us human. However the welfare of the child must always remain the paramount concern.

Hi Sue,
my memory is a bit fuzzy about who was there and who wasn't, if she was from the ITA then it was probably Louise Johnson, but there was also the lady from RTAC who gave a good speech. I'd have to go home and pull out the details of who talked.
Regards
Damian
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Hursty
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« Reply #18 on: May 07, 2008, 10:23:08 AM »

Yes I agree Damian
There ARE so many view points and this is such an indepth and complex issue but (no offense to anyone) while there are people who are ready to accept that deception is acceptable and children are feeling a need to protect parents feelings when it was the parents themselves who made these "choices" - then we will never have the opportunity to move forward with laws and legislation because the relative clinics etc.. will use these people to their advantage.........ie, and excuse that these issues do not really matter to the donor conceived when if fact it is a very important issue in their lives. I know I am outspoken especially for a recipient mother but I have my son's bests interests at heart and I take it very seriously. I do not mean to agravate anyones feelings or hurt anyone - but I guess this is what these forums are for - to openly and truthfully discuss our own opinions without malice and hopefully learn from each other.
Love and Respect to all
Sue
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