Australian Donor Conception Forum
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Author Topic: hey every1, newbie from wa here  (Read 5974 times)
melissa_186
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« on: October 09, 2007, 02:34:26 PM »

hi every1 my names melissa, i am a donor conceived child, well i guess u can say adult now. i found out by fluke when i was 13, i just outa no where cum out and asked my mum if my dad was my real dad n she just cum out with no,

when i was 16 i left home and moved to perth. i have 2 beautiful kids of my own now and havent really worried bout things since i was younger although it was always in the back of my mind. on my youngest daughters 1st birthday she had a febrile seizure and scared the absolute crap out of all of us. it was then that i decided i wanted to try and find my donor for medical history for my kids sake.

i contacted the hospital in which i was conceived and had many fone calls with them due to the distance factor. i finally got a call 1 day saying they had found my donor. it was a shock but i was glad.
 
i was asked by the staff at the hospital to write a letter stating everything i wanted to know and ask as sumtimes they only get one chance to ask questions and then they ask not to be contacted again. so out spilled a 3 page letter of questions.

a few weeks later i received a phone call from the hospital saying they had a reply. when i received it it was 5 pages long. it answered everything i had asked and told me his life story. as it is he actually has no kids of his own. but he stated he didnt want a daughter as he wouldnt no how to be a father he just wanted a friend.

i replyed to the letter to have a long wait until a xmas card arrived last xmas. it was sayin sorry he had taken so long to write but he had been busy and would get to it in the new yr. that was 10 months ago, to this day i still havent received another thing from him. in a way its a big blow but at the same time its his loss if he wants nothing to do with me.

my next adventure is to try and find the half brothers i have out there sumwhere. my donor stated in his letter that he had 3-4 male offspring that he knew about. does anyone know what the chances of finding a sibling are or has anyone eva found a sibling?

i am lookin forward to getting to know other ppl on here in the same situation and to hear others stories of their journeys so far. i dont know bout any1 else but it is hard talkin about this with other ppl because unless theyre in the same situation they have no idea how it actually feels and how much ur head goes up and down, my most asked question from ppl is why do u want to find them any way. when u reply sayin to fill a gap in my life and figure out who i really am i get strange looks back at me. sumthing they will neva understand i guess.

well, hope to have a good ole chat with some of u very soon, until then, look after urself and have fun, catch ya mel.
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dadams
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« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2007, 10:28:25 PM »

Hi Melissa

welcome to the forum. It is difficult talking to others about this sort of thing. Finally meeting other adult offspring was a great thing for me because I was finally able to talk to others that knew completely what I was going through.

Having children of my own also prompted me to find out about my heritage and identity , however I have not met with the same success that you have had.

I hope that you do finally hear back from your biological father.

As for finding your half siblings that is going to be really tough. BUT, seeing that the hospital that treated your mother still had records, we can only presume that they still have the records for your sibs as well (many other adult offspring have had all of their records destroyed or "lost"). First step would be just to ask the hospital if they have records of your sibs and whether or not they could forward on a letter to the parents of these "children". The main problem here is that perhaps none of them know that they are donor conceived, so the hospital may be reluctant to proide any information or to even help out. But you never know if you don't ask. 

If you don't mind me asking, could you tell us which hosptal this was at and what age you are?
It would be interesting for some of us to see at what time period a given hospital has started keeping records.

Best Wishes
Damian
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Hursty
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« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2007, 10:53:35 PM »

Hi Mel
Yes Damians last questions would have interesting answers. I too am glad for you that you had some luck with finding and hearing from your biological father. Maybe he needs a reminder from you that he was going to stay in contact.!
And again, like Damian said, other families may not have told their children they were donor conceived so the hospital or fertility clinic would be reluctant to contact your half siblings. This is why we are all fighting to have a nation wide central voluntary register because half siblings can be spread over the whole country being that they seem to be able to fly sperm around the place whenever it pleases,and there are so many different laws in different states of Australia so not everyone even fall under the same laws. Welcome to this site and I hope you have lots of luck.
Sue  Smiley
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Quinny
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« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2007, 11:40:58 PM »

hi Mel and thanks for joining the site.

I would be interested to hear the answers to Damian's questions. I am a donor offspring from Perth but I haven't managed to find out any information about the donor or any half siblings.

You could also try the Voluntary Register: http://www.voluntaryregister.health.wa.gov.au/

Though if you weren't born in WA I am not sure if you can use it.

Cheers,
Quinny
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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
melissa_186
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« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2007, 02:14:43 AM »

hi every1 thank u for ur advice and opinions. i think i vagely remember askin my contact at the hospital where i was born wot could be done about finding half siblings and the reply was its very difficult because sum of them mite not even no their situation.
i was born in melbourne not perth at the royal womens hospital in 1986, so that makes me 21. i was told by the hospital that because i was born b4 1988 it would give them a higher chance of finding my donor.
i have recently been in contact with the ppl who run the donor conception support group. i am planning to meet with 1 of them next week in perth while she is here. i am hopin that she can guide me on the right track as the best way to try and find half siblings but also have a chat bout everything with sum1 who understands where im cuming from.
i dont know whether u have heard of this website but the addy is www.dcsg.org.au.

i hope that me providing my age and the hospital can help with sum of ur questions. if u were born at the same hospital and would like to talk to sumone there ask to speak to jo morfitt. she was a great help to me.
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Hursty
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« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2007, 06:22:03 AM »

Hi Mel
Well if there was a state in Australia to be born in by DC then you at least got the right one. Victoria has the most advanced laws to be had at present.
You could try giving all your info here on this site in the Vic section - looking for donors etc... never know your luck with someone reading the site and having the same donor number as your donor - you also know you are looking for males. Do you have your donor's number? Do you know the years in which your half siblings were born? - and which hospitals etc..? You could get back onto Jo Mofitt and ask if she could enquire or even if any of these other half siblings of yours have joined a register in Victoria? Did they fly any of your donors sperm to be used in other states? There are so many questions arent there and there doesnt seem to get any less even when you start getting answers. Good luck and keep us up to date on how you get on.
Sue  Smiley
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melissa_186
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« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2007, 09:16:34 AM »

jeez i didnt even no half of wot u just asked me hey. i was amazed that u actually knew so much, i mite have to write all that down and call the hospital back and ask. all i no is wot my donor has said to me n that is that he has 3-4 male offspring but none of them have tried to contact him. i no wot u mean about there being so many questions that it seems like theyre endless. i recken even if u got to know ur donor that u would still have so many questions even after knowing them for a few years. it makes it hard bein in perth and everything i need in melbourne coz its so costly with the constant fone calls all the time. i mite ring jo next week when my kids r back at skool, at least it will be quiet lol unlike now. thank u for helping me.
i will keep u posted
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dadams
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« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2007, 10:29:12 PM »

Hi Melissa

join the register that is in Victoria. To do this contact the infertility treatment authority (ITA), their contact details are here:

http://www.ita.org.au/www/257/1001127/displayarticle/1001202.html
 See if you can speak to Louise Johnson - nice lady.

In regard to finding donors - generally the earlier you were born the harder it is. And after 88 Victoria brought in legislation which protected the rights of offspring to find out info once they turned 18. So their comment about it being easier before 88 is a bit mystifying (but they found the details so it is a moot point anyway).

Regards
Damian
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Hursty
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« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2007, 11:36:32 PM »

Yes Mel I know about the questions. I am living in the South West.
My 5yr old son was donor conceived and we found our donor and I have had endless questions for her since we met. Its helped me alot and I've found out alot of things that otherwise would have just been guess work for me.
The Louise Johnson who Damian suggested 'is' a nice lady and worthwhile talking to.
Thats the way to do it. Write down a whole list of questions and get as many answered when you make your call. (when its quieter!)
I didnt have a donor number for my donor but I think thats because she was an egg donor and they seem to be pretty rare. But if you have a look around this site you will see most people who have written about looking for donors or half siblings have a sperm donor number they can match with should someone else with that same donor number come forward. So I think 'all' sperm donors have numbers.
Sue
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