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Author Topic: Hi thinking of becoming an egg donor  (Read 3197 times)
maybeadonor
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« on: February 01, 2013, 12:13:08 PM »

Hi everyone

I am currently looking for become an egg donor, but my partner is dead against it for reasons I do understand.  He was adopted and found his real family around 18 years old.  He does hold resentment towards his parents because of being put up for adoption, especially his father (who refuses to acknowledge that he exists).  He does not want me to donate because he does not want to create stress for the child that is born.

I am hoping that the people I decide to donor to will stay in contact.  Like a distant relative or auntie that you talk too every now and then.  From my readings they say it is better for the child to know as soon as possible that they are a child created through donation.

I feel that no family is perfect, children can have resentment toward there parents for many things other than because they are a donor child.   I hope that getting to know the family first, that I would be happy with the environment that the child grows up in and looking for a receipt family with similar interest to me, so the child would feel at home.  Seeing my partner and his real brother together nurture is not everything, nature comes into it a lot.

So I am looking for comments or advice from people either side of the donation process, especially adults from donation.

Thanks
Nikki
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Quinny
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Donor offspring from Perth, WA


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« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2013, 11:59:43 PM »

Hello Nikki,

I am a donor conceived adult and I can sympathise with what your partner is saying.
You would never know in advance whether the child/adult that comes from your donation would feel resentment. Some do and some don't.

You mention your partner a lot. What about you? What are your feelings for wanting to do this? I have read both happy and sad accounts of women who donated their eggs.
I believe it's quite a process to go through.

Do you have children?
Any children you have would be half-siblings to the one created from your donation.

Cheers,
Adam
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Donor conceived adult from Perth, Western Australia. Searching for a donor who donated to Dr Colin Douglas-Smith in 1976.
dadams
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« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2013, 10:51:44 AM »

Hi Nikki
Adam makes some excellent points.
Rather than go into how I feel about being donor conceived myself here (PM me if you have specific questions), there are a couple of other issues that perhaps require attention also.
Studies show that most parents that use donor conception do not tell the children of their mode of conception. Even in those families where they intend to tell it does not always end up that way - either they change their mind or they are having difficulty doing so. So there is the chance that no matter what the initial intentions are that the child may never know they are donor conceived. It is getting better in this current age but we still have some ways to go before there is complete openness.
Secondly we are seeing more and more stories showing up in the media of how any agreements of contact or the like can get changed causing distress to one or both parties. While this may represent the tip of the iceberg and maybe most don't end up like this, please be aware that what both parties agree to at the beginning can and sometimes do change.
It's great that you are putting thought into the whole process.
best wishes
Damian
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maybeadonor
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« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2013, 04:14:46 AM »

Adam and Damian

Thanks for your responses.

Yes will do have identical twins, who are nearly 3 years ago.  We are hoping that the couple that we are currently talking to will stay in touch even if it is only once a year.  i think I will be fine with that.  I am waiting on a book to come from the states about a lady who has done a number of donations to see if this will create any more questions on my behalf.

I do agree with my partner that if people can't have children that is nature way of sorting things out.  But on the other hand I sort of don't agree with that because my father had received two kidney donations which gave us another 30 years with our father. This probably one of the reason that I would donate.

Let see when the book comes in.

Damian Thanks for your offer to PM you.  I will talk to my partner and see what he wants to do.

Thanks again
Nikki
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